Mommy Diaries

Why I Don’t Think I’ll Be Going Anywhere Without My Kid Anytime Soon

First of all, Happy White Day!! What the hell is White Day you ask? Well, I asked myself that the other day while we were at the mall. It was everywhere. Maybe it was just me but at first I thought it was something “racial” but I was completely off.

White day (apparently) is the 30th day after Valentine’s Day. In Japanese culture, the men are the recepients of affection on Valentine’s Day so White Day is when these men return the affection.

I could have never guessed that, White Day was that. The name was comepletely off. Anyway, since it’s like part 2 of Valentine’s Day (that’s how I put it) I feel like it’s a great excuse to tell you how we celebrated Valentine’s Day.

Like I said in my very vague previous post, we went home to the Philippines for most of February so we ended up celebrating Valentine’s Day there. It was our second Valentine’s Day as a family and our third as husband and wife. The first time, he was the and I was here, we didn’t celebrate at all. The second time, Liam was just two months then and we got to go out for dinner. We figured that the third time we try for some alone time. We were near family after all so finding someone to watch Liam for a night wouldn’t be a problem.

We had it already planned out. We were gonna spend a night at a hotel and leave Liam with his mom or mine. We were gonna do the whole dinner and movie thing and just enjoy a whole night of being alone. We never left Liam  with someone for longer than four hours so it was gonna be the first time.

A few days before Vday, the husband convinced me to go out with him and his friends for drinks and leave Liam with him mom. I figured why not, it would get him off my back about how I can but just chooses not to go out like a normal person.

I was already having second thoughts about leaving Liam, it also didn’t help that I wasn’t really looking forward to drinking. I could already see it in my head, we would go out and drink then come home near dawn, sleep a few hours and then be waken up by a very active baby. Ofcourse in this scenario, the husband, being how he is when he has something to drink, would not be bothered and would continue with his sleep while I would force myself awake to take care of the baby. By lunch time, I would wake up the husband, he would give me a hard time because he’ll give me the whole “needs more sleep cause he’s tired” crap. I’ll be in a bad mood until the day ends. At night when it’s time for bed again, I’ll ask him to put the baby to sleep cause I’m tired but he’ll give me the “I’m tired also” speech then I’ll blow up and tell him how much I did and how his tired is nothing compared to my tired. He’ll then tell me to go sleep first and he’ll put the baby to slee. I’ll hear Liam fussing and whining followed by the husband’s irritated pleas for him to go to bed. Long story short, I’ll still be the one to put Liam to bed and the husband would fall asleep before the baby. There wasn’t really anything that I was looking forward to that evening. Well, I was already looking forward to coming home even before I was ready to leave.
The husband did assure me that we were only gonna stay until midnight cause he was very aware how uncomfortable I was leaving Liam with his mom. We snuck out while Liam was playing inside the bedroom. We didn’t even kiss him goodbye cause the mother-in-law didn’t want to risk him following us out the door. It was the worst feeling in the world. I don’t know how other mom’s get to work everyday.

We spent the whole night drinking with the husband’s friends. I honestly, had a good time despite always wanting to message the MIL to ask how Liam was doing. There was a voice in my head that kept telling that I should go home right away cause they were having a hard time putting Liam to bed. I swear it was like I was going crazy worrying but the husband assured me that his mom would tell us if there was anything wrong. It was an hour or so before midnight already when the MIL messaged my husband and confirmed that the little voice was right. I bugged the husband to call it a night but he argued that it was already close to midnight we should stay anyway. So we did, I did with a heavy heart and a paranoid mind.

I wanted to push the door open and run to Liam as soon as we got home but because we were staying with so many people I couldn’t. We tiptoed into the living room to find Liam asleep in the sofa bed with his cousin. The MIL came out of the bedroom and asked us if we had a good time and proceeded to tell us how they had a hard time trying to stop Liam from crying while they were putting him to sleep. How Liam would close his eyes and then wake himself up crying and wanting to go out of the balcony, how Liam would shout at people he saw walking in the courtyard. It wa heart breaking to hear that he was having such a hard time while I was out drinking. While we were settling into bed Liam woke up and saw me, he clung to me so fast and then started blabbering and crying at the same time. It felt like he was telling me how mad he was that I left him. My heart just got heavier. The whole night would be like that. He would wake up randomly to check if I was beside home and he wouldn’t let go of my hand. If that was how it was gonna be every time I leave him to go out, I’ll never want go out again.

Reservations were already made and it was non-refundable so it was still a go with the hotel but because of the last experience we had with leaving Liam, we decided that we’d bring him along. Yes, we wanted to be alone but it wasn’t worth it if it meant Liam would go through another difficult night. The revised plan was we leave Liam with the MIL again but we pick him up in the afternoon so he can spend the night with us.

Last year, we did the whole flowers and chocolates. This year it was very low key. No flowers or chocolates. It was just us. It was very refreshing cause like I mentioned earlier. We were staying with so many people that we never had any privacy. It didn’t help that we were sleeping in the living room every night on a sofa bed that didn’t have any back support while the husband’s niece slept in an opposite sofa. Checking into a hotel even for just one night was fresh air. We got to lay in a proper bed, watch whatever we wanted on tv, turn the aircon on full blast and actually get to talk. It felt nice to have our own space. We couldn’t wait to go back home to Japan and have all of it again.

 
Although, I miss having alone time with the husband and I know the husband misses that too, but we just have to wait a few years for that I guess cause right now I’m still the clingy mom. LOL.

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