Married to Love, Underway Diaries

Meeting Family: Let Me Just Defend Myself

The sister-in-law messaged me that someone wanted to come and visit me and Liam, I had no idea who she was talking about but she went on about the person like I was suppose to know. It was pretty awkward.

As it turned out, their cousin was in Japan visiting family (I knew they had family here in Japan but the husband was not into visiting them, figured they weren’t really close) and she wanted to meet me and Liam. Of course I agreed. She gave me their Facebook so we could coordinate.

The cousin messaged me that night and said that they were driving here the next morning.

I was nervous about the whole thing cause meeting family without having the husband hadn’t gone great in the past (I’m talking about you MIL!) but I didn’t want to be rude. I also wanted Liam to meet his relatives from his dad side.

The morning off, I woke up super early to get ready for the day. I wanted to have enough time to shower the baby, get things organized and clean the house just in case. The husband never really said anything about them just that they’re relatives from his mom’s side. Aside from the cousin, we were gonna meet her daughter, her mom, MIL’s sister and a friend of theirs. I honestly wanted them to like me caue God knows I need someone on my side when it comes to the MIL.

We met a little before noon. They all went gaga over Liam. They couldn’t stop saying how much he looked liked the husband. Their exact words were “he’s a carbon copy of his dad, he got nothing from his mom”. I’m so used to people saying that, it doesn’t even bother me anymore. They took turns taking picture with him while he was sleeping in his car seat. They asked where the husband was and when he was coming back. They asked how I was doing being alone with the baby while he’s away. They invited us to stay in their place in Tokyo while the husband was away. They were really concerned for me and Liam which just filled my heart. It was the most welcomed I felt ever since getting married.

While we were eating lunch, they brought up the MIL. It was expected, they were her family after all. The rest of the day was spent explaining the husband and my side of things the MIL told them. 

They said that the MIL kept telling them that she wanted to come and visit and asked why I don’t invite her to stay with me while the husband was away. They also mentioned how we should help the MIL whenever we can (financially) and if I talk to her.

I don’t have a good or healthy or even a relationship with my MIL. We don’t talk. I do my very best to avoid any interaction with her. I leave it all to the husband because everytime we do talk, it always end the same; her making me look like a very unpleasant person. She has this way of making things appear like she’s the one with the shortest end of the stick. She exaggerates things and it just annoys me to death but in all fairness to her, I’ve always made it clear with the husband that if he wanted her to come and visit she is more than welcome. She can come stay and take care of Liam but not for more than two weeks. Two weeks is my limit! I honestly feel like if I’m forced to be with her for more than two weeks I’ll do something bad to myself. I even told the husband that she could come whenever she want and I wouldn’t even say anything if he was the one who paid for her flight but her passport is expired and she has so many conditions.

We wanted her to stay with us when Liam was born. We wanted her to be here to guide us through the whole parenting thing but she told us she couldn’t cause Tuesday (the SIL’s daughter) is staying with her and she couldn’t just leave. If she was gonna leave she has to take Tuesday with her. We said, okay if that’s what you want. But Tuesday didn’t have a passport yet so she couldn’t go.  Then when Liam was about two months, she told the husband that if she was to visit she wanted it to be summer cause she didn’t like the cold, we said okay. We keep asking her when she wants to go but she always has an excuse yet she tells everyone that she’s gonna go here and meet her grandson.

About the help she kept telling people she needed, we give it to her whenever we can but we’re not that stable enough to commit to helping every month. Especially because she wants more than what we can give. I also went on to tell them that we not only help her but we also help the husband’s siblings which shocked them. After I told them my side they said, oh you’re not selfish at all. I’m like, who said I was?!

At least now, they heard my side and maybe now they won’t believe everything bad the MIL says about me. Hopefully, I won them over enough for them to not thing of me as someone who just married their nephew for the hell of it.

4 thoughts on “Meeting Family: Let Me Just Defend Myself”

  1. Hey I can totally relate to this…. Traumatized living with my MIL. All the hatred, conflicts that grew. And now I have been trying to fix myself. It has been a struggle to live with her for 7 years. I am so glad we meet. I can not wait to read your posts. My heart goes out for you…

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